


Character Bleed

by eadunne2



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Croatoan/Endverse, Character Bleed, Cockles, Endverse Cas, Fluff, Friendship, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Kissing, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 01:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5609179
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eadunne2/pseuds/eadunne2
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The issue with Future Cas is all these little, previously dismissible facets of Misha are now being brought to his attention by this version of the character. The awful self-deprecation. Laughing to cover pain. And all of a sudden, Jensen can’t unsee the way Misha does those things in day to day life, not so much at cons, but around him sometimes, or at events. Smiles and jokes and distancing himself, retreating to where he’s funny but muted, cool and safe. </p><p>They fall easily into shooting, but Jensen’s completely distracted by the fact that future Cas is basically just Misha on a bad day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Character Bleed

**Author's Note:**

> TW for implied homophobia/mentions of past homophobia related violence.
> 
> Also for shameless, in-your-face fluff. Shameless.

“You ok?”

He’s profoundly, unimaginably not ok.

“Yeah, I’m great,” Jensen says with a smile, straightening from where he’s hunched over.

“If you say so.” Jared clearly doesn’t believe him. “Call in twenty minutes.”

Slapping the taller man’s arm he says “Great, thanks,” and this time he’s pretty sure Jared buys it.

These endverse scenes are fucking him up. It’s weird enough playing two versions of himself; he and Dean are too entangled, engaging in all the darkest parts of his character means dancing with all the darkest parts of himself... 

Worst of all though is this thing with -

“You ok?” Misha asks, walking the last few yards with Jensen to their chairs, distractingly cute with his baggy jeans and messy hair. Fortunately Jensen’s a professional at ignoring that fact. (He’s not, the blue of stubborn eyes, the rumbling laugh, that smell like home, it’s all imprinted on him, gets under his skin and tattooed on the backs of his eyelids and stuck in his throat to torture him later when the world is quiet enough for his brain to get loud.)

“Yeah, man,” he replies, focusing solely on being convincing but then second guesses himself. “Wait, why?”

That adorable amicability shines through as Misha shrugs, dismissing it. “Let me know, ok?”

The issue with Future Cas is all these little, previously dismissible facets of Misha are now being brought to his attention by this version of the character. The awful self-deprecation. Laughing to cover pain. And all of a sudden, Jensen can’t unsee the way Misha does those things in day to day life, not so much at cons, but around him sometimes, or at events. Smiles and jokes and distancing himself, retreating to where he’s funny but muted, cool and safe. 

They fall easily into shooting, but Jensen’s completely distracted by the fact that future Cas is basically just Misha on a bad day.

After they wrap, he finds himself standing in front of Misha’s apartment door wrapped in a hoodie.

“Jen?” He opens the door, sleepy-eyed but smiling.

“Sorry, did I wake you?”

“No, no, come in,” Misha yawns, stepping back. “What’s up?” As the door clicks shut behind him Jensen starts panicking, just a little. What the hell is he supposed to say? Why did he even come here? Backing the hell out is starting to sound better and better, but when he looks up, Misha’s polishing off the last of a bottle of beer and it’s close enough to get him started. 

“I’m having a hard time with these future scenes.”

Misha nods absently. “Yeah, dark huh?”

“Yeah, and you…”

“I what?” He’s focused on Jensen’s face now, clear and curious.

“Some of your future Cas...reminds me a lot of you.”

“Well yeah, Jen, we’re actors. We use life experience to create our characters. You as Dean is a perfect example of that,” he finishes, almost defensive. 

“No, yeah, I know I...I’m fucking this up.”

Misha stares at him in that way that always makes Jensen feel completely exposed before sighing and joining him, shoulder to shoulder where he’s leaning at the kitchen counter. 

“What’s bothering you?”

“Sometimes, you do that...future-Cas-laugh-so-you-don’t-cry thing.”

Curling his shoulders in a little Misha murmurs. “Would you rather I cried?”

“No! I’d rather you were happy!”

A sweet, sad smile is twitching at the corner of Misha’s mouth. “That’s life, Jen.”

“I know that. I just...I realized you do that a lot around me. Not really with Jared, or in solo panels at cons, just…” He trails off, not sure where to go from here. 

Misha’s eyes are huge. Scared. “It’s fine, Jen. I’m fine.” He’s shutting down. The masking complacence is spreading.

“No, no, don’t do that,” Jensen whispers, and he takes Misha’s face in his hands. He can’t bear that wall, that ice from this man, this incredible man who crash-landed into a world he thought he knew and turned it on it’s head. This gorgeous man who makes him laugh and keeps his secrets the no one else has. “Stay here with me.”

“You don’t want me to do that,” Misha mutters, nervous and heart breaking.

“Why?”

“Because if I’m really here, really standing in your arms in my kitchen, I’d have to do this,” and he leans forward and kisses Jensen. It’s chaste and mind-blowing, soft lips fitting together perfectly and then Misha’s pulling away and Jensen’s frozen in place and Misha chuckles dryly. He pulls out of Jen's grip. "See?” He's turned away now. "I'm sorry I wasn't better at hiding it, but what was the point really? You’re not… “ He sighs. “Anyway. I'll do a better job in the future. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Jensen's wasn't planning on addressing this, but now seems right. Fitting, though, that the first man to make him wish he were out doesn't even know he's bi. 

“Mish?”

“Yeah?”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Misha snorts and turns back, channeling future Cas much too closely for comfort. “And say what? Oh hey macho straight co-worker! You remind me an awful lot of the guys that used to kick the shit out of me in school, and you laugh uncomfortably whenever anyone implies anything even vaguely gay, but hey, what the hell, wanna fuck?” The bitter smile on his face fades a little in response to whatever Jensen’s showing, probably horror.

“Mish…” he whispers, but when he reaches for the dark haired man, Misha flinches away, so Jensen freezes, clenching his fists. He’s got an opportunity here, to change both their lives for the terrifying, glorious better. He can’t fuck it up.

Doesn’t mean he’s not scared shitless.

“There was a guy on my football team in high school. He was so fuckin’ gorgeous, lean and strong and wicked fucking fast. I wanted him so damn bad but...I’ve always been too goddamn pretty. Not masculine enough, and everyone loved to talk about it. You know how many creeping fucking casting directors have told me I have a mouth made for sucking cock?” Misha growls, low and fierce, furious but it’s still insanely sexy. “I didn’t wanna come out until I was good ‘n’ fuckin’ ready.” He takes a step forward. “”Til I had a good reason.”

“Makes sense,” Misha murmurs, body open and facing him now. 

“If you want me, Mish, I can’t think of a better reason.”

“What? You don’t have to do that for me, Jen, it’s a crush, I’m sure I’ll get over it -”

“See that’s the thing. I don’t know that I will.”

“Oh,” he breathes, and Jensen suddenly finds his arms full of beautiful, blue eyed man. Misha presses his face into the curve of Jensen’s neck, and Jen kisses the top of his head, holding him tightly in the silence of the kitchen. 

“I’m sorry I let you think I didn’t want you.”

“I’m sorry I assumed so many things.”

“Well, I’m making a pretty big assumption of my own right now, so I can’t really be too pissed.”

“Which is?”

“I’m certainly fucking spending the night.”

The grin on Misha’s face as he reaches up and slides a palm along Jensen’s face is nothing like endverse Cas. It’s the expression Mish wears when they’re laughing together in his trailer, or when Jensen compliments him to someone else...it’s a smile for Jensen. In most circumstances Jensen would protest, it’s too great a gift, too rich a blessing, but here, now, it seems fair. A smile that's just for Jensen, a heart that belongs entirely to Misha.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Come visit me at seasless.tumblr.com


End file.
